DAY 77: YOLO

On Saturday, August 11th at 4:43pm (EDT) I was supposed to be on a plane that would return me to my native California. In June, all I could think about was my return flight...
Now, I extended my stay on the east coast by a week and a half because I needed a vacation. And I needed time to prepare myself to return to the life I once led. It's crazy how much perspective you can gain in two and a half months -- figuring out what you need to get by and what you must lose to thrive.

Last week I celebrated my birthday. I don't do anything big for these occasions, I dislike birthday parties with a passion (although I should explain: I dislike my own birthday party not birthday parties -- I have an aversion to being the center of attention). I was wondering how my birthday would fare on the east coast - and I'll just say it was delightful. I celebrated it a day early with a trip to the zoo, $1 strawberry margaritas, chicken dinner, and a movie. On the day of my actual birthday, I was really happy with all of the text messages and calls - especially since my birthday isn't on Facebook :) thanks to everyone who remembered - you made me the happiest girl :)

My internship ended last Friday. The hardest part wasn't leaving all the people I met - it was cleaning out my desk at the DOT. I didn't realize how normal it had become for me to walk in, chat with my cube mate, and start work. I still have my badge, which I'm returning as I type this. And then my DOT days are over. The last week of the internship was spent exploring, avoiding mindless field trips, and dreaming about DC in the fall. Leaves changing, orange and burgundy hues. Brisk chill air, pumpkins, and more. I would love to see the seasons change...

It's Saturday, August 18th and I have three days before I return to California. I've been listening to a lot of Drake lately ... the common theme that stands out to me is YOLO [you only live once]... I'm dreaming of what YOLO looks like for me, what it would mean to pursue this simplistic acronym.

In this week of vacation, I went to Philadelphia - the home of the Roots and Ms J-I-L-L S-C-O-T-T. It was so refreshingly urban and rich in history that I immediately fell in love. I would move there in a heartbeat. I planned to go to New York but I got sick :( so now I'm going to resting and musing. Sunday & Monday will be fun days - exploring last minute sites before I spend Tuesday packing and Wednesday flying out to California.

So I present a hodge-podge of pictures taken in the last two weeks of my adventures. From crew love to panda fever to Philly, it's documented below:

up close & personal - white house tour! 

Keeping in touch via FaceTime (when it doesn't freeze that is)

crew love! 

Night view of the Lincoln Memorial 

liberty bell in Philly 

trying to fight the legend ... i don't think its going to work

AND FINALLY ... PANDA FEVER <3

DAY 57: Terror sets in ...

This is my first free-write. Normally, I sketch out my blog posts, then write and edit a couple of times, and finally post it. Tonight is my first time writing off the top of my head. I'm still very serious about keeping my private life private - so I will make sure to maintain some posterity. But tonight I just feel inspired to see what bubbles to the surface in this blog post. 

Living in Washington, D.C. for these past months has been wonderful. If I've spoken with you on the phone, I've mentioned this separation between my 'fake life' and my 'real life'. D.C. has been a delightful dip into a fake life, where I'm a policy analyst for the government who lives in metropolitan D.C. and explores everything (and everyone) via transit and her own two feet. In my fake life, I've rediscovered this girl who is inquisitive, funny, positive, and loves to explore. She isn't restricted by fear or anxiety - she's just excited to be, to see, and to feel. She trusts her intuition and the innate belief that God is watching over and loves her dearly. 

And then there's my real life in Oakland, where I work as a program associate for a non-profit in the East Bay and I stress out about everything. I know how it happened (and it will not be divulged here) but over the past three years, living in the Bay Area, I became this anxious, stressed-out, negative person. I was always worrying about money, about relationships, about something. And while there was these brief moments respite, where I actually was that girl I wrote about above, for the most part, I was anxious and just negative. Looking back, I realize that I lost out on a lot of love and joy in those three years due to persistent anxiety and negativity. 

In two (maybe three) weeks, I'm supposed to return back to California. And I'm so terrified to return home. D.C. has opened my eyes to a lot of negativity in my life. I found out that I have friends in California who love me and have been there for me through everything and I was too blind to realize it. And I found out that I have friends in California who I thought were in my corner but were actually just focused on themselves and their lives. 

And now, I've identified those people who are there for me, who love me, and support me. And I'm trying to encourage and invest in those relationships. And now, I've been (re)introduced to people that I love, that I care about deeply. And while I'm terrified, I want to invest in these relationships as well. 

In D.C. I found my dream again, my passion, my desire. And I'm so scared to lose that sense of purpose, of renewal, of joy. It's been so long since I've felt such energy, such life, such hope for what can happen. *sigh* quite honestly, a part of me doesn't want to return to California ever. But in my heart, I know that I have to return to California. I just need to remember that if I'm faithful, I won't lose sight of myself again. And even though fear tells me that all this joy will leave if I return to California, I know that isn't true. There's too much love and positive energy waiting for me in California for me to lose myself. And most importantly, I'm not willing to lose another three years of my life ... there's too much this inquisitive funny girl needs to do! 

The best gift D.C. has given me is the distance to see myself for who I had become and the space to become who I am meant to be. I write this publicly in part because I need accountability, and most importantly, I need friendships that are positive, that are filled with love, hope, intutiion, and faith. I don't need to think, analyze, doubt or dissect anything anymore and I don't really want that in my life. I want people who are interested in breathing life to surround me. And if you're one of those people, hit me up asap. And if you're just trying to sow doubt ... please just veer out of my life.
So that was intense. I didn't expect that to come out but I'm happy it did. At the end of the day, I trust my heart to express what needs to be said and I believe that's was what needed to come up.

Since I'm a sucker for lightening the mood, below are some funny weekend stories:

Alcohol and D.C.
Drunk people can be hilarious OR they can be annoying (especially if you're the babysitter). This past Friday, I was totally the babysitter which was not that fun. I've found that when you're the babysitter, you end up doing stupid things like drunk dialing people because you're outside on curb waiting for the other person to puke up everything before they get in a cab. But the Friday before last, I was actually a witness to the most hilarious drunk karaoke of Drake's Shot For me. Even though I was drunk, I made it a point to record it because it's so funny! I posted it below, you guys should totally watch it. Forewarning, you'll hear my drunk ass mid-way through, and you'll see some random folks from my internship programs in addition to the master karaoke person. But still, it's hilarious! I watch it now and I still crack up.



God's Country
This Saturday, I went tubing on the Shenandoah River in West Virginia. If you don't know what tubing is, it's basically laying out on a tube and floating along the river (usually with a cooler full of beer). If the words don't help, this picture is pretty much what I did all-day Saturday:



A while ago, the head of my department at the DOT mentioned that North Carolina was God's Country. I haven't been to North Carolina yet, but tubing along the Shenandoah River exposed me to such beautiful lush landscape that took my breath away. I could see the Blue Ridge Mountains in the backdrop, and lush green trees everywhere. It was so amazing and I felt like I was in God's Country. I experienced such peace and joy in this natural vibrant space. The company was great but the landscape spoke to my heart in a profound way. Swimming in the river and then getting back in the tube to view all the beautiful trees around me, I couldn't have asked for a better Saturday. I am officially in love with West Virginia and I know if I stick around D.C., that's one of the first places I will return too.

Unfortunately, I didn't have my camera with me so I didn't get any amazing pictures :( But just imagine being surrounded by this:



Last words, D.C. has been lovely. I'm so grateful for this space and time. And while I'm terrified to return back to California, there is still a sense of excitement to return to the best coast. There are friends I still need to see, loved ones I need to thank, and new discoveries to embrace. Countdown to return back to Oakland commences!

DAY 44: Chanell's Soundtrack June 2012 - August 2012

if my life had a soundtrack for the past couple of months, it would look like this: 

June 

July

August

while this month hasn't happened yet, here's a couple of songs i'm pretty sure will mark my adventures: 

DAY 42: This is the first day of my life

the most private thing i'm willing to admit: i love looking at pictures of johnny depp and winona ryder. they've been broken up for years, but i love how their pictures capture that moment of happiness, of absolute-pure-complete love for one another. they were the most transparent couple and i can't get enough of that transparency. that i'm-so-blissfully-in-love-and-i-don't-care-who-knows presence that exudes from them. 

oddly enough, d.c. has given me hope and appreciation. i didn't realize how narrow the scope of my life had become until i came here. and now, i'm filled with hope for how different my life can be lived. for how much is out there, at my very fingertips. there's a sense of excitement to continue to explore and pursue. i don't want to return to california and do the same thing. i want to fall in love. and i want it to be this type of love. i want to travel to europe. i want to move to a new place. and i want to create a space where i walk in the door and i know i'm at home. i'm externalizing all these very internal pieces for one reason: accountability. i want people to remind me of the largeness that is life, the incredible opportunity we have to not only shape, but to create our dreams! so, please remind me of these things so i can remain present and aware of my heart and what it's calling me to do. 

and after all of that, we now return to our regularly scheduled programming. 

last weekend was cray cray. and yes, i use that word on the regular. and no, i have no shame about it :) 

friday night, i went to the u street corridor and met up with a young woman named kari. a friend in oakland gave me her contact info and said we would have a lot in common. and he was right! she works on climate justice issues for a national partnership - she gets around d.c. by bike (her bike's name is belle) and she's super passionate about social justice! she was such a great person to be around. i also met her friend, lilly, another kindred spirit. she works on social justice issues and also get around d.c. via bike. so we had drinks at tap and parlour and then headed up towards howard to check out another place. that place wasn't happenin' so we went back to u street and got fro-yo*. and then we ended up at tap & parlour. it was SO east coast and i was definitely feelin myself. and i knew i was going to regret the tequila in the morning, but it went down so easy that night! 

after dancing (and singing EVERY east coast song as if i was from the east coast), my new friends and i parted ways. i was heading back to my 'hood in the NE. and then i met some folks who were heading to H street. they invited me to join their crew. and i, always looking out for the next adventure, joined forces with them and headed to H street. so on H street, there are a LOT of bars and dancing, right by my house. and then this new group wanted to go to a salsa club in NW. so i went with them ... except for the bouncer was whack. he wanted to charge a $15 cover at 3am?! i mean, the club closed at 4 ... so i was like, seriously? so we didn't get to check out the salsa club. but it was still an incredibly fun night. the next morning i was exhausted ... but it was great to see the social scene in d.c. 

saturday: i literally stayed at home all day recovering. yeah. tequila is not my friend. in the future, i'm going to just say NO to tequila. 

sunday: literally the BEST day ever. i spent three hours at the natural history museum AND another three hours at the american history museum. after experiencing the gloriousness of these spaces, i now know that the american history museum and the natural history museum are my favorite spaces in d.c. i'm seriously considering quitting my job and finding a new job at the smithsonian as a historian. i'm so so serious. i loved being surrounded by our history, our evolution. even with the crowds, i was able to stay in my suspended state of joy as i took in all the history around me. i would definitely recommend these museums to any d.c.visitors or natives. it's such a treasure to have that space! pictures below! 

thomas jefferson surrounded by all the names of the slaves he owned at monticello 

michelle obama's inaugural gown ... it was the best one there. (and i'm not biased, i swear!) 

a literal cornucopia of images from the different wars we've been involved in! 

one of our earlier species - it's crazy to see how we evolved over time! 

the fossils of a woolly mammoth! i couldn't even get the entire animal in the whole picture! 

this was a SLOTH like 60 million years ago. can you believe the size of this SLOTH??!! 

if you wanted to know: this friday, i spent my night at u street. it was great great fun! i went to this really cool (but packed) reggae club. it was such fun to be present to the music and let my body move with the rhythm! after the reggae club, i went to this other spot called marvins for a minute. and then ended up at tap and parlour. it was more of an old school vibe (think michael jackson when he was still black) and it was booooomb! loved dancing the night away :) AND because i didn't indulge in any tequila, i'm actually functional and ready to write this stupid paper ;) 

post script: today wouldn't be the first day of my life with the help of my friends and family. they have made it possible for me to embrace the freedom that d.c. offers. words cannot express how much each of you means to me. thank you for forcing me to do things that i didn't want to do and for supporting me 110%. you all know who you are. i love you so very much. and i can't imagine life with you. 

expect birthday party attendance, a weepy MOH speech, one (1) drunk night at baobab for the loves of my life. and dinner on me to the family who helped me. 

 

*[sidenote everyone in the south and east coast is obsessed with fro-yo. literally, everyone's always saying, 'you want to get some fro-yo.' i do not understand this obsession!] 

DAY 32: Blisters, Exploration, and Racism - oh my!

Shit has been cray. Seriously. LOVE to Sabaa and Kara for handling things in my absence. And LOVE to Alice for letting me vent, monopolize, and obsess about my life for the past week. AND LOVE to my wonderful parents and sister for holding it down like always! Kara & Sabaa, when I get back to Oakland – I’m going to tap into my inner Wiz Khalifa. This means that DRINKS are on me, HOES are on me, WEED is on me. *Wait, we don’t really need hoes OR weed (I just finished listening to this song on Pandora so I’m feelin myself a bit here. Is it just me or does everyone when listening to rap music start appropriating all the language. It’s probably just me. And this is probably just awkward to read. Especially as a woman, why would I write about hoes in the first place? Ok I’m just to stop overthinking now.) The main point is that everything is on me for one night. And Alice, when I’m in Santa Cruz – it’s all me (absence hoes, weed, and alcohol. Damn you Wiz Khalifa). And mom & dad & Ness, it's all on me. And obviously that means dinner, drinks for dad & Ness, and perhaps a movie afterwards?? :)

Sidebar: I had my midterm assessment on Tuesday and my boss offered me a job at the DOT headquarters in Washington, D.C. Wow! I’m super speechless right now. And I’m lightweight considering it. I mean coming to D.C. for the summer changed my life for the better in so many ways. I’m so grateful to be here and to have the opportunity to change and grow and return to California in a better and stronger headspace. But part of me thinks … maybe I should stay in D.C. and keep the change going.

With the gratitude and awkwardness out of the way (I must blame my own display of awkward on this AH-MAZING show, “The Mis-Adventures of Awkward Black Girl”. I swear on the old gods and the new (Game of Thrones reference anyone?) it is HILARIOUS. Ok I’ll stop with all the sidebars, I now continue with my original post.

First off, I’m beginning to think that long-distance internship program is code for hooking up. I spent Saturday with a couple of guys who felt completely comfortable telling me which girls they were interested in and/or considering pursuing in the program. (And if you’re wondering, I’m not one of them. Considering that I’m a little on the older end for most of these guys, I’m totally okay with that. I’m waiting for the perfect man. And I mean the current contenders for my heart are: Childish Gambino, Pharrell Williams, Edward Norton, and Joseph Gordon Levitt. At this point, I’m aiming for the stars). Anyways, I met an awkward young woman who is already planning out her long-distance relationship with a young man she met here. And I know another guy who’s already met and wooed at least four different girls in the program. And one of my suitemates was cuddling in bed with a guy a couple of nights ago. And I think they actually slept together in my bed last night. I can’t know for sure since I was knocked out on the couch … but I definitely have evidence to suspect it. To be honest, I’m extremely to be the happy observer of all this hooking up. I don’t want superficial moments in time; I want something real that will last forever. And I’m willing to wait for whatever that looks like, I don’t want any more distractions to waste my time.

On a completely different note, last weekend I did everything I wanted to do. The first couple of weeks I was worried about meeting people and connections. But then I realized, I only have five more weeks in D.C and my weekdays are wrapped with work and school projects. That means I have five weekends to do everything I want to do in D.C. YIIIIIKES! So I made up a list of everything I want to experience while I’m here and set out to accomplish it. Here’s a taste of what I did:

Wednesday: NoMa Summerscreen = free movies in the park! The theme is, “Is 2012: The End of the World?” So I went a block from my apartment to a nearby field to watch ‘Ghostbusters’ with neighborhood folks. Added bonus: food trucks and adorable babies. Last Wednesday, I met the cutest two year old and I played with him. He was so friendly and open. He even offered me his mama’s water. I hope he goes to watch Jurassic Park so I can play with him again.

Saturday: I was craving some Shakespeare in my life so I went to a free performance of “All’s Well that Ends Well” by the Shakespeare Theatre Company. The play was incredibly well acted (to the point where I realized how much Helen annoyed me!) And it was lovely to walk home after the play ended – the weather was warm and balmy with a light breeze. Simply beautiful after the 100+ temperatures (with humidity!)

Sunday: I went to the Smithsonian National Museum of the American Indian: one of my favorite museums hands down! The museum has a team of curators from the different tribes throughout the Americas so when you walk through the exhibits, you read about a people’s history and not a conglomerate of Native Americans. I especially loved the seven teachings of the Anishinaabe – they spoke to heart. In this museum, I felt a strong sense of peace and balance (and as cliché as that sounds), I really appreciated and valued the history and teachings of these various cultures. Favorite picture below - it's a shot of the American Indian Building. So creative and distinctive of native cultures. Winner! 

Smithsonian National Air and Space Museum: OMG. This museum was so overwhelming. First off, it was packed. There were so many kids, teenagers, and adults in every exhibit. Any sense of peace I had from the National Museum of the American Indian was stripped in the chaos that is the Air and Space Museum. Second, I realized that I’m not that into aviation. I mean, I checked out all the exhibits – but I definitely wasn’t as engaged as I was with the American Indian Museum. And by the end, I actually felt sad. From the history, we started out as dreamers who wanted to fly above the stars. We wanted to explore the feeling, the sensations, and of course the world. And then once we achieved it, planes quickly became a tool of war. It was sad to watch the dreamers become the planners of war machines. Favorite picture below - it's an actual piece from the Apollo 11 space mission to the moon. 

Smithsonian Castle: There’s not too much to say about this spot – it gave me a good overview of the Smithsonian museum (because they’re 19 of them) AND I did get to see Joseph Smithsonian’s crypt (lightweight creepy that he’s buried at the Smithsonian Castle), but since it’s an information spot, it wasn’t amazing or anything. Favorite picture - obviously, the crypt!

Washington Monument: I made it here when I first arrived in the program and I was taken by the monument’s massive grandiose presence. And I felt exactly the same when I saw it again. Too bad the tours don’t start until 2014. Lame! 

WWII Memorial: I love this memorial. While I’m not the biggest history buff of WWII, I appreciate the idealism that’s evident in this memorial. Quotes are all around it, thanking men & women for their sacrifice and upholding the ideals of freedom & democracy for all. I mean, we know this isn’t true. Many other places were under the weight of imperialism while America’s fighting this war of “freedom” (not to mention that we’re interning Japanese in the midst of our fight for freedom) – so it’s hypocritical. But I think that made me love it all the more. I think I loved it because it was so human. We fail, we fall, we fight – and yet sometimes, we actually do fight and win against evil. (And I could dip my feet in the water – aaaaahhhh relief from the 100 degree temperature!). Ok this doesn't encompass the entire memorial but it does display the best coast! 

Korean War Memorial: After the brightness and open-air quality of the WWII memorial, the Korean War Memorial seems smaller in scale and darker. It’s covered in shade and there are fighting men in rows staring at the enemy. While the WWII memorial conveyed a sense of victory, triumph, and memory – the Korean War Memorial felt much more foreboding. No inspirational quotes – just these men in rows watching you. I quickly lost the idealism I felt at the WWII memorial and felt as if this memorial was telling me: war is not going to end. It continues to manifest and morph throughout history. Picture of the fighting men below: 

Lincoln Memorial: As weird as this is, this was probably my least favorite memorial. I know, it’s iconic (and in all the films) but I just wasn’t feeling it. It could have be the crowds of people on the steps, in the small museum space, or near his feet so you can’t really read and peruse at your leisure. It could have been the fact that the bathrooms are right next to the museum space so when you’re reading his speeches, you smell urine. Or it could be the fact that it felt so cold and dimly light. I suppose in addition, reading his speeches and hearing how reluctant he was to do anything put a damper on things for me. I mean, his end goal was to keep the Union together (which he successfully accomplished) but it bummed me out that there wasn’t any motivation for the human good, the public good to end slavery. #wompwomp --> classic picture below. I want to go at night and sit in his lap. I wonder how late security is there til? 

MLK Memorial: Fantastic (and I’m not just writing that because I’m black) – absolutely loved this memorial. It’s definitely one of my favorites. It really embodies who MLK was and the concept – out of the mountains of despair, hope – really rung true with what he represented. Quotes from his speeches decorate the walls and you have the chance to really read and learn more about who he was at his visitor center (which is NOT located near the bathrooms)! And he’s one of the few activists who has a memorial – I felt such respect for his life and inspiration for what I could do. Definitely a must-go! Below you can see MLK - he stands as a beacon of hope against the mountain of despair (I really should have gotten the mountains of despair but stupid tourists kept taking pictures of themselves between the mountains!)

FDR Memorial: Ok, I’mma keep it real. This memorial is really good, and I’d highly recommend you take the time to go check it out. BUT you don’t need to do a tour by the rangers (which I unfortunately did). If you know presidential history, you’re good to go. And if you don’t, a skim of FDR’s Wikipedia page will give you all the info you needed to know. I mean this ranger took us on a 15 minute tour of FDR’s memorial and I was baking in the 100+ degree weather. Worse, I knew the entire history on FDR already so the tour didn’t reveal much (other than having me stand in the heat for 15 minutes). UGH! So then after he gave us the ‘tour’ I had to go back through the memorial and take pictures of what stood out in my mind. The memorial is set up in landscape format where you can walk through FDR’s four terms and see how he evolved. I loved the layout! Picture below shows the Great Depression - the poor farmers on the left and the breadline on the right. 

Jefferson Memorial: Hands down this was my favorite memorial. And as a black woman, I understand if you’re like, “that shit cray Chanell.” But when I went into his museum space and read his writings, I was struck by his humanity. All the other memorials talked about the presidents and MLK in this mythical fashion, it was hard to believe that Abraham Lincoln actually existed. But Jefferson, he was different. At his museum, the tensions and hypocrisy that he struggled with betrayed how human he was. And when I walked up into his memorial, it was very open and spacious – and then you see this huge statue of Thomas Jefferson. I just felt like his memorial captured him very well. Picture of Jefferson standing among his well-known sayings below: 

And that’s how I spent Sunday – a six mile trek through American history. I’m so happy that I did it because I wanted to tackle all of this BUT my feet were killing me. Note to self: do not wear flip flops on a six mile expedition. I have a huge blister on my second toe and I literally couldn’t walk the rest of the night. But it was most definitely worth it. Google map below if you want to see how much I did in 100+ degree heat. Yeah, I know. I'm awesome. 

View Larger Map

Now, I can move onward, feeling that I hit up a good part of D.C. history (although I still have to go to Arlington Cemetery). Friday night I’m having drinks with a D.C. native on U Street. And on Saturday or Sunday, I plan to hit up the Natural History Museum, the American History Museum, and the African-American History Museum. I’m realizing that I only have five weeks in D.C. before I come home. I’m definitely in a hurry to see EVERYHING before I go!


Post Script on Racism:  I’m amazed at the blatant racism and ignorance I encounter here. When I was on the FDR tour, our tour guide said ‘Jap’ and then quickly corrected himself to say ‘Japanese’ when he was talking about the Japanese internment camps that FDR issued. And his philosophy on the internment camps boggled my mind. He said FDR issued internment camps for the Japanese because the Japanese attacked us whereas the Germans, Italians, and Russians did not. Really? Apparently racism did not play a role in the internment camp decision *sarcasm is literally dripping from my pores as I write this* Also, when I was at the Lincoln Memorial, a grandmother was telling her grandchildren about her father’s father who fought in the Confederacy but when the war was over, all the ‘masters’ gave their slaves 40 acres and a mule. Really? What alternative universe am I in? I met a young woman from Boston who hates Californians and tall people. And I’m not even sure why she hates Californians?! I met another woman last night who said, “Chanell, I don’t know how I feel about you talking to Canadians as if they’re human.” Both the Canadian and I looked at her in shock. I guess this was a joke but neither one of us got the punch line. One of my roommates (the one from Alabama) said, “I love the children who are mixed with Asian and White – as long as they don’t get the squinty eyes.” OMG. Where am I? Like seriously, people still think its ok to say ‘squinty eyes’??

OMG in moments like this, I can’t wait to get back to California. Only 38 more days til I fly back to Oakland --> holy shit, it's that soon? Wheeeeee! And, I really need to step up my D.C. game!!

DAY 19: Accents, Nicknames, and Race Relations

Full disclosure: a lot has happened this past week and I’m itching to blog about it. There’s something about writing (especially in the blogosphere) that provides the same release as venting to a friend (or I suppose in my case, dissecting each detail of an event to understand what’s going on). But I know that blogging about it would compromise my own personal sense of privacy (and immeasurably muck things up). So why write this disclosure? I’m one of those people who needs to say what’s on her mind (I suppose if you’re reading this, you already know that). And I had so many things I wanted to share about my time in DC but I just kept hitting a roadblock when I would sit in front of my computer. And then ah-ha! I knew that my writing block was coming from this need to say, hey life has been kinda crazy. And I really can’t write more than that over the blogosphere, but if you really want to know what’s going on – you can always hit me up. I love overanalyzing shit anyway, so the more folks who want to dissect and analyze events in my life, the better. Ok with that out of the way, onward march!

A while back, I was discussing politics with a good friend of mine. I can’t even remember what we were discussing, but I remember him saying, “Chanell, you have to understand that not everyone in the country thinks like you do. The west coast is completely different from everywhere else in the country.” Then he proceeded to go into his “Californians need to experience other states” rant. And as a caveat, I should mention that he is a Californian but spent 2008 travelling across the country, working hard to get Obama elected. At the time, I was annoyed by his patronizing attitude – of course I know that not everyone thinks like California.

And now, I offer my apologies. My good friend, you were right. Being a part of this internship program has introduced me to people from Pennsylvania to Texas to Alabama to Florida. And I cannot believe how different people think, speak, and see the world we live in. Since I <3 lists – here’s another one for you – things that Chanell is learning from being outside of California. 

Accents

A couple of years ago, I was watching Food, Inc. And in the documentary, they interview Joel Salatin, prolific (although sexist) American farmer who raises his livestock himself and sells them directly to customers. I mean, throughout the interview you can tell that this man is smart and knows his farming inside-and-out. But his accent was so thick. To be honest, I couldn’t even take him seriously because it was thick. (Edit: I was watching with another native Californian who was of similar mindset as me – we were both thinking, “God this man is brilliant. But his accent is ridiculous!”)  Fast forward to my time in DC and everyone has an accent. One of my friends in the internship says, “I’m hongry.” That’s how she pronounces hungry. HONG-RY. When I asked another friend where someone was at, she said, “Oh him. He ova dere.” Yes. That's how she said it. DERE = THERE. Liberry = Library. Axe = Ask. There are literally millions of words that sound different in the South. And it’s perfectly normal. In fact, I actually come off as ‘too formal’ because I over-pronounce everything.

Post Script: My mother (who’s from Jackson, Mississippi) has been vindicated! When she came to California, everyone corrected her on pretty much everything she said. MAY-oh-naise was really MAN-naise. Axe was ask. You get the idea. Unfortunately, as I got older and got schooled in California phonics, I corrected my mom too. When I told her about the accents here, she said, “I told you! It’s all pronounced differently depending on where you come from. In the South, we have a lazy tongue so we say certain words differently.” She went on to tell me how it stung to have people correct you all the time. And how it made her self-conscious about the way she spoke. Oh, and she made me promise not to correct anyone here. So mom, I officially get it now. As I am currently identified as ‘the Californian’ who talks funny (or too formally or too white), I realize that language is not static. And it stings every time someone says, “You talk white.” Or “Why you so formal all the time.” We all pronounce things differently depending on where we’re from. And goddamnit, that’s ok. I don’t need to correct how you say anything because my way isn’t necessarily the right way.*

Nicknames
So as I mentioned before, I’ve been hanging out with Ebonie (she’s from Baltimore but lives in North Carolina) and another woman named Ashley (who’s also from Baltimore). Okay, craziest shit ever: they have family members (e.g. cousins, aunts, etc) who go by their nicknames to the point where they (Ashley and Ebonie) don’t know their real names. Let me say that one more time, they have family members who go by their nicknames to point where Ebonie and Ashley don’t know the person’s real name?! How you don’t know your family members’ real names goes beyond my scope of understanding. But apparently it’s a Baltimore thing (not the nickname thing – I mean I have family who only goes by nicknames – but not knowing your family members real name). Ebonie has a cousin Bo, an Aunt Peaches, and an Uncle Man. She doesn’t know any of their real names. Similarly, Ashley has a homegirl who goes by Buttah (not Butter, but Buttah), an Uncle Man (apparently this is a popular name), and a cousin Mookie. She knew her homegirl Buttah’s real name (which has now escaped me) but had no idea what Uncle Man or cousin Mookie’s real name was. WTF.


Race Relations

As a self-professed equal opportunist when it comes to race (and I mean this in the sense that I’ll date and befriend anyone), I don’t really have a category for self-segregation. But it’s completely different here. I was talking to someone today about happy hours – specifically finding a good bar with good deals. And he said, Adams Morgan is a great spot to go but all the black people kick it on one side and all the white people kick it on the other side. And this is completely through self-selection. OR I was talking with some folks in the program (a mixture of whites and blacks from the South, and one Asian who’s from the Northeast) and the topic of interracial dating came up. None of the black women in the group had ever dated someone outside of their race. Then, the white women observed that black men were ones they saw who seemed to date outside of the race. AND the black women echoed their statement, one of them said, “Black men are the only ones to stray from their race. Everyone else manages to keep to their race.” As odd as this sounds, the fact that the Asian woman is dating a white man didn’t seem to factor into their race analysis. (Perhaps it’s because the Asian woman literally hates all Asians because her strict background and only dates white men??) All I could add to this conversation was that in California, it’s a pretty big melting pot (or at least that’s been my experience).

But in general, there's still some tension between blacks, whites, and historical recollection here. My roommate from Alabama tells me about her childhood and how she didn’t learn about the Civil War until high school because a lot of white Southerners still feel resentful about their loss. My friend Ebonie refused to listen to any of the history on our U.S. Capitol tour because she was felt they lied about the early history of America. I mean, granted the U.S. Capitol folks did their fair share of white-washing early American history, but I tried to explain that they weren’t lying – history is not about the ‘truth’ but about people’s ‘truths’ – but she didn’t seem to understand that. It was as simple as they were 'lyin' - she said she half expected to walk into one room and see a bunch of *expletive* in chains. Wow. Intense.

Sidenotes:

• The weather here is hot. Before I left California, I used say ‘sweltering’ without any idea of what it really means. Now, I can say that I’ve experienced ‘sweltering’ weather – I wake up to 80 degree weather with no breeze. It’s just heat and humidity. I have frizzy hair by the end of the day and every time I walk into air conditioning, I breathe a sigh of relief.

• I haven’t gotten into any political conversations, which is surprising considering that I’m in D.C.

• I have pretty toes right now. They make me happy.

• Traveling is coming up – I’m heading to Atlantic City this weekend. And then I’m heading to New York for a couple of days. I’m excited to explore – I really want to maximize my time here.

• I’m having this weird relationship with homesickness. I do miss California but I also love the respite that D.C. provides. Right now, I honestly feel as though I’m taking a break from my ‘real’ life and living someone else’s. And this makes me both happy and sad. 

*Mom, if you read this - don't get mad at me. I just wanted folks to know that how we speak isn't simply a reflection on how we've been brought up but also where we've been brought up. 

DAY 14: InspəˈrāSHən

Sidebar: Yes, this is one of those deeper introspective posts. I'm not totally sure how I feel about these types of posts. I always debate between being authentic with an audience and maintaining some personal private sense of self (which is why I stopped blogging in the first place). But from the concept of being transparent in my time in D.C. I've decided to post this blog, which reveals a bit more intimacy than previous posts. 


One of the great (and also horrible) things about being outside of your element is the fact that you become much more aware and alert to you. You can see the places of dysfunction clearer, as if you're looking into a mirror, because your natural shields of protection are no longer there. And homesickness takes on a whole new element when you're the fish out of water. So, this post is a few of my favorite things (and just so you know, favorite doesn't mean great) that I've learned in the past two weeks.

Homesickness is inherently a solitary experience. 

Wednesday, I had a horrific bout of homesickness. It started out as boredom and then morphed into this painful 'other' feeling. I found myself pacing outside in our patio area (where I've received many a mosquito bite!) struggling with this overwhelming desire to be home. I just wanted to be surrounded by my things, my friends, my life. I called friends, hoping for an abatement from this 'thing' that I couldn't even associate with myself. But then I realized calling friends in California when you're suffering from homesickness is awful, it's tangible proof of what you can't have. After the phone calls ended, I just realized how much homesickness separates you from everything. It's as if you're marooned on an island screaming for help and then when it does come, you can't get on board because you've become so introverted into yourself and your pain. And as I write this, I realize that I'm not saying I won't ever become homesick again but I want to avoid indulging it as much as possible. I'm only in D.C. for eight more weeks and I don't want to spend my precious few weeks wasting away over California. I came here because I wanted to  immerse myself in another space and when I get homesick, it's so hard to do that. So my plan to mitigate the emotional effects of homesickness is: when I feel it coming on, I'm just going to remind myself of all the reasons I came to DC and all the things that I want to do while I'm here (like head to NYC or visit the Zoo or go to as many Smithsonian Museums possible). I think this process will help ground me when I feel blue.

I hate pain and I'm a sucker for instant gratification. 

Before I came to D.C. I knew that I hated any type of pain and was always looking for a way to medicate or take the edge off the pain. I mean, if you've ever seen me in physical pain, you know I'm always in search of some medication to get rid of the symptoms ASAP. What I didn't realize is how much this hatred of pain extended into my emotional life. In addition to the homesickness on Wednesday, Thursday I got some pretty bad news. Everything that I feared happening had happened. True to form, when the pain hit - all I wanted to was to find something, anything to make it go away. And with emotional pain, I've found that I'm always quick to go to significant others to make the pain go away. And while I've definitely had a friend to help me work through the repercussions of this bad news, being in D.C. has meant that I had to deal with pain and the hurt that came along with this news. I couldn't immerse myself into a relationship to numb the pain (which is what I usually do), I just had to deal with the emotions head on. And I'm realizing that D.C. has given me this opportunity to confront, to feel, to work through my emotions and to find my own resolutions. And I have to admit, I'm kind of excited to work through my heart and make my own peace instead of relying on someone else to give me peace.

Post Scripts 

So I absolutely cannot end on these deeper introspective notes - so here are a couple of fun stories/pictures to show you that it's not all depth and introspection. 

1. I met an woman named Ebony on the Metro - she's from Baltimore. She evokes a strong sense of Southern down-home-everyone-is-welcome-to-the-table. She's a congregator (I don't know if this is a word but I'm going to use it), she invites everyone and anyone to her house and is so hospitable. Through her, I've been able to connect with more interns in my program AND play a few games of shit-talking Spades. There's plan for a group of us to go out tonight and I'm excited to continue to explore D.C. 

2. Allergy relief! For the past two weeks, I've struggled with some of the worst allergies ever! I mean, my nasal passages were so swollen that I couldn't even breathe. It was hell. And then I went to this primary care clinic and the doctor (who was a bit touchy-feely) prescribed three different allergy meds that have given me such relief! One nasal spray is to reduce the swelling, the other nasal spray is to reduce the sneezing, runny nose, and coughing, and the pills are to stop my itchy eyes. OMG it is such a pleasure to breathe and not think about your nose being a faucet! I will take Dr. McFeely any day over these horrible allergies! 

Well I can't believe I've been here two weeks already - time is going by faster than I expected (even with bouts of homesickness)! On Monday, I'll have a private tour of the Capitol and then this weekend, I'm heading to Atlantic City for casinos and beaches. And now that I have brand-new laptop at work (yes, I now have a laptop that I can use at home to telework if I'd like too) my boss is excited to give me more and more work to do. I'm expecting to be busy exploring and experiencing and I'll definitely document them all. Thanks to all the folks reading, thinking, and praying for me, I really really appreciate it! 

DAY 8: Be Adventurous

So says Jesse Wu, a young man that my roommate and I met on our bar travels on Friday. I like it - it's going to be my motto while I'm in D.C. Be adventurous, take risks, and explore, I mean it's not everyday that I get a fully paid trip to the east coast! 


So, today marks the end of my first official week in D.C. It's been amazing so far -- even though I feel like I'm at the end of a fire-hose in terms of information at work -- I've never had a project with this amount of responsibility and impact. It's a little awe-inspiring how much power my boss is giving me to incorporate this project at her department. After this week of intensive training, I'm beginning to feel more and more invested and ready to hit the ground running to make sure that this project succeeds!

The infamous Jumbo Slice Pizza

And the weekend was equal parts fun and relaxing! Friday night, I found myself in Adams Morgan. It's a hip culturally diverse neighborhood in NW Washington, D.C. that's filled with bars and restaurants. My roommate Liz and I trekked over there from NoMA, ready to get some drinks and meet some new people. One of the first things we encountered was 'jumbo slice' pizza. We were looking for cheap and quick eats - what we found was a huge slice of pizza! After one slice of this, we were good to go enjoy the benefits of open bar and not worry about drinking on an empty stomach. Added bonus, apparently the pizza joint we went to was featured on the Travel Channel's Food Wars (click here to see a snippet of the episode) -- although I'm not sure which brother we patronized. I think it was the one who changed the recipe. (these last two sentences will make more sense if you watch the youtube snippet of the episode).

After pizza, Liz and I went to the bars, learned more about each other, and met new people. One thing I learned about Liz was that she's pretty gullible - I recorded the video below of her with our new friend Jesse Wu. He told her if she waved her hands fast enough, she would start to feel different. Um yeah, I didn't have the heart to tell her the truth ... but I did have the smarts to record her while she did it!



After a night of drinking and more drinking, I probably should have rested on Saturday. But nope, instead I was out in 90 degree heat with 200,000 Girl Scouts visiting National Mall. Yes, I did get a little dehydrated, but it was also pretty thrilling to see all these national monuments. And while I have twenty million pictures of monuments - I'll only show the ones that were my favorites. On another note, I'm so excited to go back and visit those museums - there's so many of them and they're all free! I think the American Indian Museum is the one I'm most excited about right now - but I'm sure all of them will be super fun and entertaining!

National Mall (also known as "Tourist") pictures below

U.S. Capitol - I'll have a private tour in 2 weeks, so excited!

Washington Monument - up close and personal! 

A La White House - I got the ugly side b/c the back part was closed

P.S. I got too dehydrated (and sweaty) so I didn't make it out to Lincoln Memorial - but since I have nine more weeks here, I'm not worried at all. 

And today was absolutely perfect - a leisurely Sunday spent at the National Portrait Museum. I didn't know if I was going to be into it or not, but I ended up loving it. They had some amazing exhibits (especially this Asian American NOW project that really spoke to me) and I had so much fun. I spent almost two hours combing the floors and didn't want to leave. I'd highly recommend visiting this museum if you're in D.C. and are into portraits (and interactive art). Also saw the film, Prometheus, which I enjoyed. It made me a little jumpy but a talk with Sabaa Shoraka afterwards calmed my nerves! Enjoy the photos below - since it's 12am my time, I'm going to hit the hay. 

Photos and more from the National Portrait Museum

A painting by an SF artist - loved what it conveyed!

HUGE SCREEN Super Mario Bros - I KILLED at this game!

Beautiful! Children playing, oblivious to the blood

DAY 4: Beyond 3rd Street, NE

do you want to send me some love via the postal office? if so, here's my address: 

Chanell Fletcher 
The Washington Center

1005 3rd Street NE, #308

Washington, D.C. 20002

we now continue with our regularly scheduled programming: 

Today after work, I was feeling a bit icky. I didn't have a bad day or anything but I was working in this certain place* and it just made my skin crawl. I went home but once I got there, I just wasn't feeling it. My roommate was sleeping because last night she had a rough night (i.e. my allegies, which kept me up til 2am in the living room, also kept her up. Living with a light sleeper is rough I tell you - lots of guilt ridden nights ahead of me). So one of my housemates went to the farmer's market while the other one was still at work. And even though money is tight, I just didn't feel like sitting at home by myself.

Enter Busboys and Poets. Sabaa has been raving about this place since forever ... and now that I'm here, I figured I should check it out. I went to the one on 5th NW and K ... and it wasn't bad. The bookstore/shop area was a bit small but had the usual suspects for a revolutionary/activist-y place - books like Things Fall Apart or Animal, Vegetable, Miracle and fair trade scarves. I sat at a communal table and ordered my drink and din din. I planned on reading and chilling out while eating my dinner (especially because I've been 'on' for most of the week with roommates and a new job) but ended up talking with a cool woman working on food justice in Kansas City. It was really great - I ended up having dinner with a complete stranger and I loved it. After all of the bureaucracy I've experienced at work, it was nice to have a good old fashion conversation about food justice, planning, and sustainability. It brought me back to my roots. Also - did you know there was a Cafe Gratitude in Kansas City? 

Sidebar: I rode the bus home today from work. It was delicious. Maybe I'm crazy but I just feel like the bus is the best way to view and understand a city. While I love rail (and there's no competition in my heart between rail and bus), when I'm new to a city, buses are what help me understand the geography and learn more about the culture. And sometimes buses bring me back to my childhood. Like tonight when I was heading home, I saw two older black men sitting at the bus stop. They saw me looking at the space between them, and one of them said to me, "G'wan gurl an sit hur. Thur's enuf room fur all us hur." His accent created all kinds of nostalgia. I mean, as much as I hate Mississippi, his accent reminded me of my summers spent there as a kid. I sat and listened to them talk and thought about my grandpa, rice fields, mosquitoes, fishing trips, frog legs, frozen kool-aid cups, and dirt roads. 

Testimony for my momma: She knew I was bummed out about my roommate situation and prayed for me to find peace and resolution tonight. At 12:17pm, guess who's sleeping on the couch and ecstatic? That's right, me! I'm so happy to sniffle, sneeze, and fall asleep without the guilt of keeping someone up. My momma prayed for me...I'm so glad she prayed (and yes, I am referencing this song - if you didn't grow up with gospel, you might not know it).

*They've officially gotten to me with all the security sheeet -- I'm way too scared to text or blog about anything specific related to this department. 

DAY 3: Learning Curve

Today is my third day in Washington, D.C. I've only had one freak-out tourist moment so far. When I saw the Washington Monument from the shuttle window, the little kid in me almost screamed. I couldn't believe how close I was to the Washington Monument - which I've seen in tons of movies. I wonder if folks feel that way about this bridge.

Anyway - it's been fun, I've only had small moments of homesickness. For the most part, it's been one mini adventure after the next. Here's a small snapshot of life so far:

Navigating Washington, D.C. without a car has been easy*. I mean, I have an advantage because a) I've navigated plenty of cities by transit before so reading maps is nothing new, b) the design of Metro is so similar to BART and c) the Metro map is so very similar in design to Boston's transit map. So all in all, it's been pretty easy to get around via Metro. BUT I'm ready for the bus and bikeshare. My boss (who is this wonderful African American woman who gets her vegetables from a CSA - love it) has convinced me that from where I'm at (which is NoMa if you're interested) the bus is far cheaper and a straighter shot to DOT than the Metro. So YAY buses!

*I have to be completely honest -- I do have to learn how to shop on a daily basis versus a two week basis. Lugging two weeks worth of groceries from the store was definitely not fun.

Returning to roommate life after an extended absence has been a little more difficult. My roommates are from France, Alabama, and Florida. The two Southern women decided to room together, which left me with the French women. Unfortunately, my allergies (and ensuring snoring) bothers my light-sleeping French roommate. And I feel awful for it - she's such a sweet quiet young woman, and I hate the fact that my allergies have turned me into a snoring monster. The these women are interesting - random facts I've found out in the past three days:

-One woman hates to tip - as in she'll drive to pick up food just to avoid tipping. Strange? Yes.

-One woman works with a Chinese conservation organization and hates it*. She constantly complains about how she doesn't understand Chinese culture. I'm not even sure how to respond to that one.

*To be fair, everyone at the organization speaks in Chinese which leaves her on the outside of most conversations.

-One woman was relieved that Hilary didn't win the presidency. She just felt that a woman president would wreck havoc on international affairs. And yes, she is a woman. I don't even understand it.

-Combined information from both of the Southern women: deer meat is amazing. Go figure.

Working at the DOT has been exhilarating so far. I can't believe my luck. Apparently, I can't give too many details because of phishing and security breaches - and I definitely don't want to be that girl. So I'll just keep it short and sweet, I get to work with a bunch of different agencies within the DOT (and a couple of federal agencies outside of the DOT) on major policies. I know, I know - that was super general and doesn't say anything at all --> but like I said, I'm not going to be responsible for any security breach.

Okay, this seems like a good ending place for now. In my next post, I plan to take more pictures - so you can actually meet my roommates (via photo) and see the amazing building I get to work in each day. Oh yeah, and I'll take some cool pictures of all the free sites in D.C.

xoxo,
Chanell